all things in moderation, especially moderation

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

Obama Requests Money to Train ‘Appropriately Vetted’ Syrian Rebels

"Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form"

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—After announcing, on Thursday, that it would seek $500 million to help “train and equip appropriately vetted elements of the moderate Syrian armed opposition,” the White House today posted the following Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form:

Welcome to the United States’ Moderate Syrian Rebel Vetting Process. To see if you qualify for $500 million in American weapons, please choose an answer to the following questions:

As a Syrian rebel, I think the word or phrase that best describes me is:
A) Moderate
B) Very moderate
C) Crazy moderate
D) Other

I became a Syrian rebel because I believe in:
A) Truth
B) Justice
C) The American Way
D) Creating an Islamic caliphate

If I were given a highly lethal automatic weapon by the United States, I would:
A) Only kill exactly the people that the United States wanted me to kill
B) Try to kill the right people, with the caveat that I have never used an automatic weapon before
C) Kill people only after submitting them to a rigorous vetting process
D) Immediately let the weapon fall into the wrong hands

I have previously received weapons from:
A) Al Qaeda
B) The Taliban
C) North Korea
D) I did not receive weapons from any of them because after they vetted me I was deemed way too moderate

I consider ISIS:
A) An existential threat to Iraq
B) An existential threat to Syria
C) An existential threat to Iraq and Syria
D) The people who will pick up my American weapon after I drop it and run away

Complete the following sentence. “American weapons are…”
A) Always a good thing to randomly add to any international hot spot
B) Exactly what this raging civil war has been missing for the past three years
C) Best when used moderately
D) Super easy to resell online

Thank you for completing the Moderate Syrian Rebel Application Form. We will process your application in the next one to two business days. Please indicate a current mailing address where you would like your weapons to be sent. If there is no one to sign for them we will leave them outside the front door.

Comments

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

So we can't fix crumbling infrastructure, extend unemployment, or anything within the country, but we can pony up $500 million to arm people who will probably turn against us within a decade?

Defense industry really is our last domestic industry, that's what that tells me.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

At least we have nuclear protected fax machines on 100% operational duty cycle. In case we bomb ourselves back to the eighties or something.

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

I had some government (CA) lackey ask me to fax a form to them and I started laughing out loud. "Where the hell do you expect me to find one of those?'

I finally located a print/shipping/Notary Public shop to fax it. So annoying. It's only lawyers and government morons who still use them.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

I explained why the "modem" was RJ11 to a kid the other day...and what RJ45 was.

"Cool, its like vintage audio"

Yeah kid, just like that....grab me an ibuprofen please...

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

I had some Seattle guitar hipster at work explain to me what a 'mixtape' was, not what it used to mean. I'm old.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

effects are instruments. They playing other peoples playing.

Really though.

[skittish-derby.livejournal.com]

In those situations, I usually ask for an e-mail address and scan and send forms.

[madam-shapo.livejournal.com]

You are wrong - they already are against us.

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

Maybe, but they're aimed elsewhere... for now.

[johnny9fingers.livejournal.com]

Just enough time to get the wagons in a circle then.

[hardblue.livejournal.com]

Seeing ISIS with all our weapons,
you'd think we would be more shy about this kind of thing.

I guess it makes for more fireworks.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

Its very confusing, ya know, to whom we should sell weapons, however the NYT is being ever helpful:

"Generally, Iraqi Shiites and Sunnis are often indistinguishable in appearance. (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/25/world/middleeast/questioning-helps-rebels-tell-sunnis-from-shiites.html?ref=todayspaper&_r=1)".

[pacotelic.livejournal.com]

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

Good grief. Thanks, Life (http://www.english.illinois.edu/maps/poets/a_f/foster/lifemag.htm) magazine.

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

U.S. leads global arms exports surge (http://economy.money.cnn.com/2013/06/27/weapons-exports/)

Sing along with me! 'We arm the world, we arm the children.'

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

“The capitalist will sell you the rope to hang him with"


I wonder if we could stop the worldwide arms trade if we even wanted to?

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

We used to feed the world, we innovated technology. Now we're just an arms dealer and a service economy.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

[deborahkla.livejournal.com]

Hell, even under Reagan the tax rate on the wealthy ($300K+) didn't go below 50% until 197, when it went down to 28.8%--just in time to cause the recession that cost Bush senior a second term.

[lafinjack.livejournal.com]

[hardblue.livejournal.com]

It's all in the life of a bullet:

[fizzyland.livejournal.com]

It's Academy Award-winning actor, Nicolas Cage!

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

#this

[hardblue.livejournal.com]

A real paradox: one comes to accept that the world
is mad.

[yes-justice.livejournal.com]

I've only taken two contradictory positions in this post alone!

[the-rukh.livejournal.com]

You have to understand our angle though. Selling them weapons makes us money. Selling weapons destabilizes the region. What does an unstable region require? More US weapons.

It's how the NRA operates in our borders.