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Jun. 13th, 2014 05:02 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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politicartoonsSales of toilet paper plummet after delivery of free copy of The Sun
Supermarkets across the country have reported plummeting sales of toilet paper after The Sun newspaper posted a free edition through every letterbox in the country.
Concerned executives from Andrex, Velvet and Cushelle have been attending hastily convened management meetings to discuss their market’s new entrant, and the threat it poses to their businesses.
As one executive explained, “It’s a worrying time for toilet paper manufacturers, for sure – we simply can’t compete when News International start giving away free toilet paper like this.”
“I would love to give everyone in the country a free sample to try cleaning their anus with, but we simply don’t have their resources.”
“Obviously we believe our product is better than theirs, but for some reason the public seems to derive a perverse sense of pleasure from wiping their collective arses on the pages of the The Sun.”
Free copy of The Sun
Consumer Simon Williams spoke of the change in his shopping habits.
He told us, “This free sample is a bit thinner than a normal copy of The Sun, so it might not last me all week, but at least I’m putting it to use as it should be used.”
“I’ve always been a fan of using toilet paper, but this makes going to the toilet an absolute pleasure. I’m even smiling at the thought of possibly getting diarrhea. Isn’t that great?”
“And better still, do you know what’s better than wiping your arse on a copy of The Sun?”
“Wiping your arse on a copy of the The Sun that Rupert Murdoch had to pay to give to you.”
“Absolutely delicious.”
http://newsthump.com/2014/06/13/sales-of-toilet-paper-plummet-after-delivery-of-free-copy-of-the-sun/
Middle class families standing round unsolicited tabloid newspaper on doormat
MIDDLE class families have gathered around a tabloid newspaper that was put through their letter box without permission.
The families are staring at their free copy of The Sun, unsure what to do with it.
Matin Bishop, from Hatfield, told his wife and children: “Don’t touch it, I’m going to try and open it using this umbrella. Nice and easy, there we go. Now then…
“Lots of capital letters. Lots of words in bold. Big photographs. Short articles. And my goodness, what a lot of puns. Okay, right.
“Well, it’s not very nice but I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about. It’s just a newspaper for people who do not prioritise education in quite the same way as we do.”
Bishop added: “Emily, could you be a poppet, nip out to the garage and get my barbecue tongs and one of the green, heavy-duty binbags?”
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/middle-class-families-standing-round-unsolicited-tabloid-newspaper-on-doormat-2014061387627
Supermarkets across the country have reported plummeting sales of toilet paper after The Sun newspaper posted a free edition through every letterbox in the country.
Concerned executives from Andrex, Velvet and Cushelle have been attending hastily convened management meetings to discuss their market’s new entrant, and the threat it poses to their businesses.
As one executive explained, “It’s a worrying time for toilet paper manufacturers, for sure – we simply can’t compete when News International start giving away free toilet paper like this.”
“I would love to give everyone in the country a free sample to try cleaning their anus with, but we simply don’t have their resources.”
“Obviously we believe our product is better than theirs, but for some reason the public seems to derive a perverse sense of pleasure from wiping their collective arses on the pages of the The Sun.”
Free copy of The Sun
Consumer Simon Williams spoke of the change in his shopping habits.
He told us, “This free sample is a bit thinner than a normal copy of The Sun, so it might not last me all week, but at least I’m putting it to use as it should be used.”
“I’ve always been a fan of using toilet paper, but this makes going to the toilet an absolute pleasure. I’m even smiling at the thought of possibly getting diarrhea. Isn’t that great?”
“And better still, do you know what’s better than wiping your arse on a copy of The Sun?”
“Wiping your arse on a copy of the The Sun that Rupert Murdoch had to pay to give to you.”
“Absolutely delicious.”
http://newsthump.com/2014/06/13/sales-of-toilet-paper-plummet-after-delivery-of-free-copy-of-the-sun/
Middle class families standing round unsolicited tabloid newspaper on doormat
MIDDLE class families have gathered around a tabloid newspaper that was put through their letter box without permission.
The families are staring at their free copy of The Sun, unsure what to do with it.
Matin Bishop, from Hatfield, told his wife and children: “Don’t touch it, I’m going to try and open it using this umbrella. Nice and easy, there we go. Now then…
“Lots of capital letters. Lots of words in bold. Big photographs. Short articles. And my goodness, what a lot of puns. Okay, right.
“Well, it’s not very nice but I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about. It’s just a newspaper for people who do not prioritise education in quite the same way as we do.”
Bishop added: “Emily, could you be a poppet, nip out to the garage and get my barbecue tongs and one of the green, heavy-duty binbags?”
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/middle-class-families-standing-round-unsolicited-tabloid-newspaper-on-doormat-2014061387627
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Date: 2014-06-13 04:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-13 04:14 pm (UTC)that or crack cocain.
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Date: 2014-06-13 04:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-13 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-13 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-13 04:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-13 04:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-13 05:21 pm (UTC)with Murdoch's Fox TV news.
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Date: 2014-06-13 08:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-13 09:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-13 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-14 04:59 am (UTC)